User:Connel MacKenzie/tough

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   ENGLISH IS TOUGH STUFF

   Dearest creature in creation
   Study English pronunciation
   I will teach you in my verse
   Sounds like corpse corps horse and worse
   I will keep you Suzy busy
   Make your head with heat grow dizzy
   Tear in eye your dress will tear
   So shall I Oh hear my prayer

   Just compare heart beard and heard
   Dies and diet lord and word
   Sword and sward retain and Britain
   Mind the latter how it's written
   Now I surely will not plague you
   With such words as plaque and ague
   But be careful how you speak
   Say break and steak but bleak and streak
   Cloven oven how and low
   Script receipt show poem and toe

   Hear me say devoid of trickery
   Daughter laughter and Terpsichore
   Typhoid measles topsails aisles
   Exiles similes and reviles
   Scholar vicar and cigar
   Solar mica war and far
   One anemone Balmoral
   Kitchen lichen laundry laurel
   Gertrude German wind and mind
   Scene Melpomene mankind

   Billet does not rhyme with ballet
   Bouquet wallet mallet chalet
   Blood and flood are not like food
   Nor is mould like should and would
   Viscous viscount load and broad
   Toward to forward to reward
   And your pronunciation's OK
   When you correctly say croquet
   Rounded wounded grieve and sieve
   Friend and fiend alive and live

   Ivy privy famous clamour
   And enamour rhyme with hammer
   River rival tomb bomb comb
   Doll and roll and some and home
   Stranger does not rhyme with anger
   Neither does devour with clangour
   Souls but foul haunt but aunt
   Font front wont want grand and grant
   Shoes goes does Now first say finger
   And then singer ginger linger
   Real zeal mauve gauze gouge and gauge
   Marriage foliage mirage and age

   Query does not rhyme with very
   Nor does fury sound like bury
   Dost lost post and doth cloth loth
   Job nob bosom transom oath
   Though the differences seem little
   We say actual but victual
   Refer does not rhyme with deafer
   Foeffer does and zephyr heifer
   Mint pint senate and sedate
   Dull bull and George ate late
   Scenic Arabic Pacific
   Science conscience scientific

   Liberty library heave and heaven
   Rachel ache moustache eleven
   We say hallowed but allowed
   People leopard towed but vowed
   Mark the differences moreover
   Between mover cover clover
   Leeches breeches wise precise
   Chalice but police and lice
   Camel constable unstable
   Principle disciple label

   Petal panel and canal
   Wait surprise plait promise pal
   Worm and storm chaise chaos chair
   Senator spectator mayor
   Tour but our and succour four
   Gas alas and Arkansas
   Sea idea Korea area
   Psalm Maria but malaria
   Youth south southern cleanse and clean
   Doctrine turpentine marine

   Compare alien with Italian
   Dandelion and battalion
   Sally with ally yea ye
   Eye I ay aye whey and key
   Say aver but ever fever
   Neither leisure skein deceiver
   Heron granary canary
   Crevice and device and aerie

   Face but preface not efface
   Phlegm phlegmatic ass glass bass
   Large but target gin give verging
   Ought out joust and scour scourging
   Ear but earn and wear and tear
   Do not rhyme with here but ere
   Seven is right but so is even
   Hyphen roughen nephew Stephen
   Monkey donkey Turk and jerk
   Ask grasp wasp and cork and work

   Pronunciation - think of Psyche
   Is a paling stout and spikey
   Won't it make you lose your wits
   Writing groats and saying grits
   It's a dark abyss or tunnel
   Strewn with stones stowed solace gunwale
   Islington and Isle of Wight
   Housewife verdict and indict

   Finally which rhymes with enough -
   Though through plough or dough or cough
   Hiccough has the sound of cup
   My advice is to give up

   - Author Unknown