Wiktionary:Bad jokes and other deleted nonsense/Jolly Fun Pack

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The Jolly Fun Pack is a way of giving gifts that can be quite irritating to some yet amusing to others. The main focus of a Jolly Fun Pack is give the victim (or recipient) as many items as you can. This large quantity of items can be achieved by either cleaning out a bedroom or closet before Christmas or the victim's birthday, or by going to local dollar stores. Remember, the main idea is to get a lot of stuff. Not much in particular, just stuff. If the Jolly Fun Pack is not intended to be incredibly harsh, then a main gift may be included in the slough of useless objects. To top off the Jolly Fun Pack, it is customary to wrap up the whole thing with a large quantity of tissue paper and then duct tape the wad so it looks like an oversized soiled diaper. For an accent, a balloon may be taped to the wad to call attention to the gift.

Here is an example of an ideal Jolly Fun Pack.

  • Tattoo removal form
  • Whistle
  • 62¢ (in pennies and nickels, strewn sporadically throughout the entire thing)
  • Water Gun
  • Several AA batteries (some can be dead)
  • Sandpaper
  • Golf Ball
  • Ripped sock
  • Empty deodorant canister
  • Roll of masking tape
  • $1 off McDonald's Quarter Pounder coupon
  • Package of 15 blank CDs (main gift, usually at center of jolly fun pack)
  • Stuffed animal
  • Some Legos
  • Stick of gum
  • Broken Pencil
  • Cookie in a baggie
  • Sponge
  • Empty tube of toothpaste (the appaling hygiene product)
  • Old crayon

The whole concept of the Jolly Fun Pack is simple to understand, but the joy of one is not attainable until one has been given to a victim.

Jolly Fun Packs tend to be the best if the following rules are obeyed.

  1. Do not use a large amount of paper. This gets annoying and causes the whole wad to lose interest.
  2. Use an array of sizes and shapes of objects. If all the objects are the same general shape, it will cause the Jolly Fun Pack to become boring.
  3. Use an array of uses of objects. If all the objects are the same general use, it will cause the Jolly Fun Pack to become boring.
  4. The total weight of the Jolly Fun Pack should be 5 to 10 pounds.
  5. The Jolly Fun Pack must contain one and only one appaling hygiene product, preferably a used tube of toothpaste, a toothbrush, half-used lip balm, etc.
  6. Make it jolly fun!

Once again, this Jolly Fun Pack idea may seem like a good thing to do, but the feeling of accomplishment will not well up inside until a "legal" one has been given.