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Comic portmanteau word, probably on confirm and infirmity


confirmities (uncountable)

  1. Shakespearean nonce word meant to be humorous rather than to make any sense.
    By my troth, this is the old fashion; you two never meet but you fall to some discord: you are both, i' good truth, as rheumatic as two dry toasts; you cannot one bear with another's confirmities. What the good-year! one must bear, and that must be you: you are the weaker vessel, as as they say, the emptier vessel. — Shakespeare, 2 Henry IV, Act 2, Scene 4.