if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a wagon

English

Alternative forms

• if I had wheels, I'd be a wagon
• if my aunt had balls, she'd be my uncle
• if my grandmother had balls, she'd be my granddad
• if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a bike
• if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a streetcar
• if my sister had balls, she'd be my brother
• if my uncle had tits, he'd be my aunt

Proverb

if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a wagon

1. (colloquial, vulgar, humorous) It is fruitless to speculate about counterfactual situations.
   • 2007, Keith R. A. DeCandido, Resident Evil: Extinction, page 115:

     Behind him, Isaacs heard Slater mutter, "And if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a wagon."

   • 2004, Jonny Bowden, Living the Low Carb Life: From Atkins to the Zone, page 165:

     Then again, as my father used to say, if my grandmother had wheels , she'd be a wagon.

   • 1984, Vonda N. McIntyre, Star Trek III: The Search for Spock‎^[1], page 108:

     "It has transwarp drive," Sulu said matter-of-factly. "Aye," Scott said, "and if my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a wagon."

See also

• if wishes were horses, beggars would ride
• if we had ham we could have ham and eggs, if we had eggs